dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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