I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
