I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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