Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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