i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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