i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
