I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Small penises have feelings too.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
