He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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