One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
