I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
