Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
