i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
