thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
