Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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