don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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