Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
