Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
