"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
