She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
