Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
