Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
