Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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