I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize