i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
