dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
