Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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