6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
