i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
