Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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