HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize