dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize