He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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