is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize