Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize