it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
