I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
