then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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