before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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