There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
