You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
