Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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