how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
