a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
