i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
