so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
