singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
