there's paper in my vomit.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize