So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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