Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
