just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
