I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we're making bets on your personal life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
