He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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