It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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