anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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