Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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