bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
did i walk over a car last night?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
