There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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