I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sorry about my life...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
