that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
