My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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