oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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