Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
