He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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