theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize