I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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