It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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