I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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