we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
